When We Try to Resist God, He Becomes Jealous For Us
We will never be God, or never fully understand how God feels when he is jealous for all of humanity. But I think I experienced something close to it.
This is Max. He’s my little 5-year-old cousin who loves Nerf guns, Dino trucks, and playing with other boys. He doesn’t like ME very much.
One day he came to St. Croix Park with my family and I. We decided to explore the area a bit with a hiking adventure. We stumbled upon a walking trail that led all the way to a boating dock which was a good 15 minute walk, up and down the hills, through rocks and branches, dodging through the trees. It was a tough hike for even me, a 22-year-old adult, and Max was getting tired. So during this hike, I carried him the whole way down on my back. And again, Max, he never likes me. He would rather prefer to hang out with my brothers, Jordan and Hunter.
*Pause from the main story to tell you a story about just how much Max dislikes me
I remember one time he came over to our house and Jordan was the only one home with him. And I think Jordan had already been watching him for awhile that Jordan was just sitting and Max looked so bored out of his mind. So I just got home and I was like “Yay! Max is here!” I saw he was bored and so I asked him, “Max, do you want to go outside? I’ll take you outside! We’ll go play at the playground!” And he looked at me and said “No.. That’s okay. I don’t want to go outside.” So I go into the next room and through the walls I can hear Max ask Jordan, “Jordan… can you take me outside?” And in my head I’m just thinking like what the heck I just offered to give you what you wanted and you go ask someone who doesn’t want to/can’t give that to you?
*Back to the main story now
So anyway, back to carrying Max on my back. He was finally liking me! Even though I was tired, exhausted, sweating like crazy carrying him, I did it because it felt nice to be close to him. We were bonding, talking, he was pointing out animals to me and talking about Nerf guns. This moment with him was so precious, I didn’t want it to end.
But eventually I started to get tired so I decided to set him down so he could walk for a bit. He was all energized now and excitedly jumped off my back. And what does he do right when I immediately let him free? He runs to catch up with Hunter and stays with HIM, smiling, laughing, talking about Nerf guns, and walking with Hunter like he did with me. A pang of jealousy shot through me because I was the one who carried him through this forest, and now I see my little boy enjoying the journey with Hunter. Max had FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT ME. He didn’t wait for me, didn’t acknowledge, didn’t even turn around to look at me. I was hurt.
In that moment, I thought about God, and how in the story I just told, God was me, and I was Max. How many times had God carried me through the hard moments in my life: going through a breakup, starting a brand new church, the stressed student life, fighting with a friend, and how He had carried me through that. I walked with Him during those times. He helped me get through the forest. And when I felt okay again, I ran off from Him to find comfort in another person or I got caught up in a hobby and didn’t have time for him anymore.
God just wants us to BE with Him. He wants our adoration, He wants to walks with us.
Let go, and give Him everything.